My Dream that Never Came True

About four years ago, God asked me to let go of a dream that I thought was supposed to come true. I had been holding on in faith, trusting and believing that if we just persevered and believed, we would get what we want.

After trying to get pregnant and going through tests and treatments for several years, we reached a point of decision. Would we keep pushing for our way and our plan? Or would we let go and surrender?

I remember the morning that I knew…Tyler had brought up adoption the night before, wondering out loud if that’s what God had for us next. I immediately shut it down, telling him I just wasn’t ready to go there.

And then the next morning, I knew…God was asking me to let go of my dream of getting pregnant.

I had to let go of my dreams to create space for what God had for us.

Now, looking back, it all makes sense, of course. This was the first step toward the path that led us to our two sweet girls. Now, I can see how it turned out, the reasons I had to let go. I can see the literal new life that came from the death of my dream.

It’s easy to see it now.

But in the moment? I had no idea. I didn’t know what was next, or when and how God would give us a family. It all unfolded in such a unique way that I couldn’t have predicted if I tried.

Sometimes I forget that the death of a dream is creating space for something new. I forget that God can be trusted in the empty spaces.

When I forget, God reminds me of my past and our story. He reminds me of what comes after surrender. He gently shows me the ways He has proven Himself trustworthy.

I share all of this because God is whispering to me yet again of the power of surrender. Not just in the big things, but the everyday moments as well. God is daily asking me to let go of my way and create space for what only He can do.

Almost daily, I have a moment where I reach the end of myself, and I have a choice: fight or surrender.

I feel the tension in the small stuff…
I run out of strength and energy and motivation. I get weary of saying “no” to my kids, of telling them the same things over and over and over again. I get overwhelmed with the simplest things of life, with simply keeping up with meals and the house and finances.

This is when God invites me to surrender. He wants to help me in the small things.

I feel the tension in the big stuff…
I have so many questions about the future…dreams and desires that seem so out of reach. Questions about how to raise our girls in the best way possible, making decisions about their future. There are big questions on the horizon with no clear answers, and it can all feel like too much.

This is when God invites me to surrender. He wants me to trust that He’s got the big things.

So in the big and the small, this is my prayer, and it can be your prayer too…

This is yours, God.

My days. My years. My kids. The daily anxieties and the big unknowns.

All of this is yours.

So even years after laying down my dream of getting pregnant, the invitation to surrender still remains. It’s not a one-time thing.

Will we listen to God’s invitation to surrender? Will we let go and trust His strength and wisdom to be bigger than our own?

When life feels hopeless or uncertain, when we long for answers and direction…even when we think we have it figured out. All we can do is surrender, to acknowledge again and again that God’s ways are better and higher than anything we could come up with. His strength is all that will get us through, in the big things and in the day-to-day struggles.

Choose surrender. Again and again. Let go and find God’s provision and plans waiting in the space that’s left.

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