There was a time in my life that I thought I was a pretty decent person.
Oh sure, I had struggles and weaknesses and was far from perfect. But I could hold it together fairly well.
Or so I thought. Then I had kids, and the truth came exploding out.
Having kids has this way of bringing to light the darkest parts of you. And while it would be really convenient to claim that my kids CAUSED me to be this way, the reality is that having kids simply revealed what has been true all along.
And the truth hurts.
I’ve discovered that I’m pretty selfish and self-centered, impatient, and as it turns out, I have a really nasty temper.
I’m a control freak who wants my life to go according to MY plans, and I avoid hard work and would rather just veg out on the couch than get up and actually do something difficult.
I probably don’t have to explain how I know all of this, because I’m guessing you experience it too.
But maybe seeing this in myself isn’t such a bad thing after all.
It turns out, seeing the ugly parts of my soul exposed is actually a good thing. Not easy or pleasant or fun or comfortable…but good.
Because until I’m honest with myself and with God about where I fall short, I will never grow.
What is hidden cannot be healed. And the daily struggle of being present and patient with my kids has forced me to come face-to-face with my weakness. My shortcomings are exposed whether I want to see them or not.
It’s painful. I don’t like seeing these parts of myself.
I don’t like seeing that my fuse is short, or that I’d rather scroll on my phone than play with my kid. It’s not a pretty sight when I snap at my kids for simply wanting my attention.
But there it is: the truth of who I am. Weak and frail, falling short…so very human.
So what do you do in those moments where you feel a little too human? Pay attention to those, because that is right where Jesus is waiting to set you free.
It’s not in the moments of our strength, but the times when we’re faced with our deepest weakness, that we experience the closeness with Jesus that we desperately need and long for.
But we have to turn our eyes away from ourselves and look at his face.
Instead of giving up in defeat and despair, draw near to Jesus and discover the grace that will provide exactly what you need.
The truth is, none of us has it together. But when we are brave enough to admit this truth, that’s when we can begin to grow.
Don’t hide or ignore those dark, not-so-shiny parts of you. Bring them into the light and face them with Jesus, and watch how he’ll grow in and through you.